A manhattan cop's love story
by MRA72
Summary: AU after Kate's shooting. Kate wants to tell Castle that she heard him at the cemetery but everyone is avoiding her after she gets out of the hospital. And wheres Castle? This is my first fanfic ever so enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own these character nor do i own the show Castle, just borrowing characters for a little while.

This story is AU, just a warning. However, it does have the same elements that we all know and love with my twist on the story itself. Takes place around 3 months after the shooting in season 4, Kate does remember but never got the chance to tell Castle that she heard his confession and she doesn't go off hiding.

Chapter 1

Beep, beep, beep, her alarm goes off at 6:00 just like it does each morning. Begrudgingly she drags herself from her less than comfortable bed and heads to gather her gear for her morning run. Kate Beckett always thought better after a nice long run and she needed to clear her head after the long night she just had. The nightmares kept returning night after night and for the life of her she could fathom why that was. They always were the same, flashes of the blood, the screams, and the look on Castle's face as she went down, the tears streaming down his face pleading her to stay. It was nearly 3 months ago that she was shot in the cemetery where she heard that plea for her to stay with him and the confession of his love for her, and she still couldn't shake the sensations she had felt at the moment as she felt life trying to flee her body, sensations to this day she continues to have every time she thinks about him.

As Kate finally finished putting her shoes on, she proceeded to go out her door and run around her block, along the way she spotted the swing set, their swing set she chided to herself. It was hard coming back to the precinct only to find out that her partner had not come in those months that she was gone, learning that made her feel heartbroken. Castle had become a functioning part of the precinct family, "dad" as the boys would say. Getting him to come back was going to be hard and she needed him to come back, she needed her partner back.

Kate ran her usual route and 15 minutes later rounded the corner back to where she started and rested a bit ;she now gets easily winded due to her new scar that pulled every once in a while. She looked at her father's wrist watch and saw that it was 6:45, it was her day off and for once she wasn't on call. She decided on getting some chores around her apartment done for in the past couple of week its appearance was going downhill. Besides, she might invite Lanie over for a girl's night. In all truth she really needed to have a conversation with the ME for she had been avoiding her like the plague at work, every time Kate wanted to just have small talk with the woman she would avert to case talk and then leave before Kate could get a word in.

It wasn't just Lanie either for the normally talkative pair of Rysposito never gave her anything than updating her on cases and following all of her orders without question (for once in their life). Kate thought that the new captain might have implemented something to make sure that all that went on in the precinct was people doing their jobs. "Iron Gates" as she was dubbed was former IA which didn't give her a lot of brownie points with cops in the first place and was by the book as they come. She told Beckett what was to go on in her precinct and what wasn't, and ordered to requalify with shooting before getting her piece back; never had Kate longed for her gun so much in her life. Lanie and the boys were blatantly evading impending conversations with the detective and it was time to figure out why, she got back into her apartment and started her way towards the bathroom for a nice hot shower.

As she started removing her workout clothes she glanced at the small scar that the near fatal bullet left, Kate's had scars and wounds before and they always went away leaving nothing more than a scratch on her skin; not this one. This one would serve an eternal reminder to her of what she had nearly lost, for nearly ten years now she had let her mother's case get in the way of what should've been her goal all along. After all this time she realized that Johanna wouldn't have wanted this for her daughter, she would want her to live and find happiness in her life. Some excitement that would make her feel alive, that same excitement that she felt when she first met Richard Castle on that fateful day.

Driven out of her reverie, she finished taking off her work out gear and got in the shower, trying so hard not to dwell on thoughts of Castle yet right as she said that she grabbed her cherry scented body wash and was brought back to the moment he noticed her signature scent for the first time. _Ugh come on Kate pull yourself together, try and not to think about him for 5 minutes and get something useful done today, _she scolded to herself. Besides, if she was going to convince Lanie to come over she had to pick up all the take out cartons that were accumulated throughout the week. Josh had already scolded her this week about all the takeout, in fact she had been scolded by Josh for everything she did since she got back from the hospital. Kate thought back to when he, Espo, and Ryan escorted her home, she wondered where castle was for surely he would jump up and down for a chance to bring her home. Esposito and Ryan had seen Castle during her "stay" in the hospital, they were working themselves into the ground to nail the bastard who shot their leader of that she was certain. As she turned to ask Kevin about her partners, Josh ushered them out the door saying that they would see them later. He gave Kate instructions that she was to stay in her apartment and not go anywhere, a rule that while normally she wouldn't condone this behavior she was in no state to argue.

This seemed to get worse over time, he would always find something to complain about and she was getting sick and tired of it. She started canceling their dinner dates again through no fault of her own, she always dealt with work first and her personal life second. With his own busy schedule at the hospital Josh should have known that thee was going to be times when she would be home with him, however the way he was acting seem to be the exact opposite. He fought with her on every little thing that she did and never let her explain, at the time she was in a weakened condition to not fend for herself but know she was getting fed up with him behaving this overprotective of her.

She shook off her thoughts of Josh at the moment and carried on with her tidying up the apartment. It took her almost a whole hour and a half to finish cleaning and then it was time for the inevitable call to her ME friend. She grabbed her phone, scrolled down to speed dial 3 and pressed call. Kate waited about one ring and got voicemail as if Lanie was ignoring her call on purpose, this was certainly getting out of hand and it only strengthened her resolve to get to the bottom of what was going on. Kate was relentless and called around 9 times before Lanie had enough and answered. "What do you want Kate?" an exasperated Lanie answered. Kate was still perplexed by her best friend's behavior but pressed on with her plans. "Well hello to you too Lanie, I'm calling to see if…" "Kate save it, I'm really busy right now so unless you have a new case for me I have nothing to say to you." With that she hung up

Kate was not one to give up so easily though and since phoning Lanie clearly wasn't an option anymore it was time to visit the neighborhood morgue. Kate put on some boots, grabbed her black leather jacket and key, and then headed out the door making her way to the morgue where she was finally going to get some answers as to what was going on.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: was overwhelmed by the response to this story as it is my first story, so a nice incentive is give you another chapter. Here is chapter two enjoy!

Disclaimer: still don't own the story or characters, if i did the wedding would've gone on as planned

Chapter 2

Lanie was not in a mood to be messed with today and while she can say she would feel sorry if anyone crossed her path, she honestly could care less. She hated being cold towards the person who she once considered her best friend but the way she was being treated…Lanie had enough. She was finishing up a report when the doors to the morgue flew open, "Javi I don't have the time right now and honestly I'm not in the mood to…" "Mood to what Lanie?" Lanie's blood grew cold as she realized that Kate was the intruder of her morgue, "If you're here for the results on Mr. Carney I don't ha…" " I'm not here for lab results Lanie and I think you know that seeing as you were the one who hung up on me I thought you knew me well enough that I don't do well without seeking answers and I've had enough so what the HELL is going on with you?"

Lanie grew even more livid, really like she had no idea why she and the boys were freezing her out. "What's wrong with me, girl like you have no idea, you're the one who wanted this not me. I thought I was your friend, but I guess not after all now if you'll excuse me I have work to do so don't let the door hit you on your way out!" She turned around waiting for the Detective to leave but heard no move on her part to do so, Kate was outraged, "I wanted this? Why Lanie, why would I want the only friends I have shutting me out like this? Why wouldn't I need you after all the shit I've been through these past few months? I didn't shut you out, you did that to me!" Lanie knew Katherine Beckett well enough to know that when she made a decision she stuck to it, so she wasn't buying that she didn't know the reasons behind them losing their friendship.

"Enough Kate, you're the one who told us to leave you alone and that being around us was too difficult for you, and that you would lose yourself to your mom's case if we didn't leave you alone. The only one who persisted was Castle but you took care of that in a heartbeat…and after his confession for you…you have a cold heart Beckett. You wouldn't let yourself be happy with him even though he needed you just as you needed him, you shut yourself in away from true joy and broke a man in the process…" she was starting to lose it and had to hide the tears threatening to escape. "I think you better leave Kate now." Lanie picked some the files she was working on and left the main room to go and file them leaving Kate there, dumbfounded by what she just heard. _I never said those things…did I ?_ She went through the memories in her mind of the events after her shooting, there's a bit she doesn't remember due to the drugs they had her on, and could she have said it then? _No I would never shun my friends like that, I wouldn't keep them at arm's length, I would send Castle away _her heart was pleading but her mind taunted her _But you did send him away, you gave up when he left and started over with someone you knew you never could truly love back. _She shuddered and urged herself that that was not true _yes it is true, just as you have shut your friends out, you've been a cold person just as Lanie said and have been ever since your mother died._

With that she lost it and collapsed to her knees, she couldn't have done the things Lanie said. No matter what her mind was saying, for the first time in her life her heart was speaking in louder volumes saying that this wasn't right. Kate's eyes were now dripping tears on the floor of the morgue, she felt so helpless for she didn't know what she did much less how to repair the damage that had been done. For the first time in her career, Detective Kate Beckett had lost all her strength and allowed herself to lose control. She kept up her grieving process when Lanie reentered the room, she saw what she thought was Beckett on the floor and was she…crying? One of the things best known about Kate Beckett was that she never allowed herself to show her emotions to anyone much less cry in front of people.

Lanie set down the new reports she just grabbed and knelt down next to the sobbing Kate, the distraught woman looked up, her face flooded with fallen tears. "Lanie I'm sorry, but I would never shut you guys out, you, the boys, Castle you guys mean so much to me even if I don't show it, I don't remember anything of what you just told me I swear it on my mother Lanie!" The volume of her weeping had increased now, Lanie could not believe her eyes, here sat a woman who was always focused, never letting the emotions get the better of her and now she seemed…broken; she never swore on her mother unless…could she really not know? Lanie grasped Kate's wrist and helped her off of the cold floor, "Come on and let's get you calmed down and straighten up what's been going off ok?" Kate wiped her face, "Thanks Lane" "Don't thank me yet, I'm still not sure if I believe you yet alright I'm just going to give you the facts as I've been given them." Lanie started leading her out the door of the morgue to what she was sure going to be a long conversation.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: again love the response to this story, writing is my passion and this show just sparks great inspiration in me to put my thoughts of these characters on paper. I know you're eager to find out what happens next so here's a few things to know before you dive in. Flashbacks will be in bold Italics, while inner thoughts by characters will be voiced by italics only. If it's too confusing review and tell me and I'll figure something out. Now, on with the show

Disclaimer: same as usual, I would have loved to come up with this show but alas I did not

ENJOY !

Chapter 3

_Meanwhile at the loft_

Alexis Castle stood looking at her father's office, it seemed like the only place he dwelled these day. However, there was no sounds of the tapping keys on the writer's computer for he hasn't written a thing in three months. Gina had just called for what seemed the millionth time and she was fuming that she had no manuscript or even a paragraph on her desk and told Alexis that if her father didn't get his act together and get something on her desk by Monday, that'll he'll be the next victim in the Nikki Heat series. It took all Alexis's self-control she had not to yell at the blonde publisher/ex-wife for berating her distraught father. The Red head stared at her father who sat in his chair staring out the window, the once childlike, and innocent man had been reduced to a person wallowing in sorrow, the sorrow of what seemed like a broken heart. Alexis just stood there, she knew Detective Beckett well enough now that she knew both her and her father didn't necessarily get along to well but there is no way she would shut her father out…would she ? All she could do was stand and watch the man who was her father draw deeper into a sadness that she could not fix.

_Coffee shop near the morgue_

Coffee, that one word just brought back more memories of her partner which in turn increased her grief. Lanie handed her the warm beverage and sat down across from her, "So…" she began trying to regain the Detectives attention.

"You wanted to talk so talk what's going on with you that you felt that you had to throw all of us out of your life?" she continued. "

Kate sighed, this was going to be a long conversation indeed "I told you," she began "I didn't force you out of my life, if anything you, the boys,…Castle all walked away from me, I never asked any of you to leave!" She was starting to tear up again but forced herself to be leveled headed in order to solve this mystery that has been plaguing her life for weeks on end.

"Come on Kate, how you could not know what you asked of us all those months ago is beyond ridiculous. You don't remember that day after you woke up in the recovery ward in ICU?"

"No, I don't all I remember is Josh keeping me in my room and forcing me to rest, I don't remember saying anything to the result of driving you all away. Can you just tell me why you think I did for none of this is making any sense, please Lanie I need to know what I supposedly put you through!"

Lanie is astonished, Kate has shown more emotion today than in the last few years of their friendship, and does she really not know what happened that day. I guess it's time to relive on of the most devastating day of her and everyone else's life.

"Ok Kate, if you really don't remember let me take you through that day then and maybe that'll spark your memory into what happened to your friendships…"

**_The four of them were waiting outside her room waiting to see their leader, Castle hadn't left the hospital since they arrived and did everything in his power to know what was going on with his partner. He sent his mother and daughter home, not wanting to plague them with worry by seeing him in the state that he was in. Alexis started to protest, not wanting to leave her father's side for she grew fond of Beckett just as much as he did. She was just as worried and wanted to know the minute the doctor's had information on her condition. He finally persuaded her to go with her grandmother, assuring her that the moment he had any info that she would be the first call he'd make. _**

**_To everyone else it seemed like he was taking everything in its stride, trying not to be phased by his emotions. However, it was clear to Lanie, Espo, and Ryan that everything was not well with the mystery writer; in all honesty he was an emotional wreck. After trying to coax information of yet another nurse Lanie got up from her seat took him by the arm, forcing him into a seat for the first time in hours. _**

**_"Castle, you walking around in circles and asking medical staff for information every 5 minutes isn't going to make things happen any faster. You need to sit down and re…"_**

**_"Relax? If it were Esposito sitting in the OR right now would you be calm and relaxed Lanie?" he exclaimed. "I can't just sit here and do nothing I need to know if she's ok!"_**

**_Lanie tried to reassure him "She's going to be fine Rick, she's going to be alr..." before she could finish her comment he shot out of his chair eyes blazing. "Don't say that you do know for sure what's going on, you can't promise me thing that none of us have control over!" he shouted at her causing the boys to come over and see what was going on._**

**_"I was there Lanie and I felt her life slip, I heard her breath slow, becoming ragged, I saw the lights in her eyes start to fade when I told her not to leave, that I…" he couldn't finish his statement for tears started to burn in his eyes at the memory at his confession to his partner as she lay, life draining out of her every second. _**

**_"That you what Castle? What did you say to her?" Ryan questioned now intrigued by what he said that made him cringe in pain of the memory. Esposito reached Lanie and held her close, all of them patiently waiting for Castle's response. "_**

**_"…that I love her." He whispered, he got up from his seat to lean on the wall on the opposite side of the hall. The three friends looked to each other in astonishment, they always joked and teased the pair about their obvious feelings for each other, but to finally hear one of them proclaim the fact was amazing…at least it would've been if not for the circumstances that brought the confession to light. _**

**_"Oh Castle, bro I'm sorry, we're going to catch the SOB that did this, but in the meantime you know Beckett, she's strong and hard headed she's not going to give up that easily, she's that stubborn and everyone in this vicinity knows it." Esposito replied with a small grin on his face. The comment had the same effect on both the ME and his partner, but the writer didn't see the lightness in the statement and kept his head down, eyes closed. _**

**_"I should've moved sooner, if only I was quicker…IT'S ALL MY FAULT SHE'S IN THERE FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE!" he shouted as his fist was lifted and slammed into the wall. Lanie had enough of this, she got up and before Espo could stop her advance she grabbed Castle more firmly than before._**

**_"Now listen here writer boy, none of this is your fault and frankly I'm tired of the guilt that both you and Kate afflicted on yourselves thinking that it is! Stop blaming yourself for events that NONE of us saw coming, this guilt trip you are having isn't helping Kate at all so stop all this shit and man up, she's going to need you, all of us really to help her through this got it?" _**

**_All three men looked at her and nodded, knowing that she was right and that they would have to get through this together. As they came into agreement, the OR doors swung open and the doctor walked in the hall. All eyes were set on him, less than patiently waiting for him to inform the group of their comrade's condition._**

**_"It was a close call, the bullet missed her heart by a mere fraction of an inch but we removed it fairly easily and made the necessary repairs to the wound. She'll have a small scar on her upper abdomen area but she made it through and with some recuperation and physical therapy there's no reason she won't make a full recovery." He conveyed to the concerned group of friends._**

**_All of them sighed a breath of relief, Espo grabbed Lanie and held her tightly, Ryan raked shaky hand through his hair, and Castles knees finally gave out and collapsed on the floor. "Thank God she's alright!" he exclaimed and tears started to roll down his face. His friends came to pick him up and all embraced each other for their friend was going to make it._**

**_"Can we see her?" Lanie inquired. "She's being moved right now to a regular room and needs some rest, besides you've all been here for hour's maybe you all should get some rest too. You can come back in 2 hours or so were all of you are properly rested." Then the good doctor took his leave._**

**_Castle's mind was still reeling, barely grasping the doctors words _**_she's alive__**, **__she's not dead, she hasn't been taken away from me!__** Those were the only thoughts going through his mind at that moment and he's never been as relieved as he was in this moment. Both the boys and Lanie were leaving to comply with the doctor's orders but Castle stood there unmoving as if he were still in a trance. **_

**_"Castle, you heard the doctor we need to rest buddy," Ryan said behind him "we're all exhausted from waiting." Castle couldn't leave, he didn't want to in fear of losing her while he was gone._**

**_"It's ok guys I'm going to stay and wait, I'll be fine, promise." He assured them. All three of the friends looked at each with knowing faces, and it was Esposito who strode up to Castle first. "Bro, you're not doing Beckett any favors by waiting here worrying about her, she's fine." Castle still looked hesitant when he continued._**

**_"Besides, you told Alexis you'd let her know how everything went when we got news, so go home and tell her in person. Comfort your family then get some rest, you need to take care of yourself and if Beckett were here she'd tell you the same thing." _**

**_Castle knew his companions were right, he needed to relay the new to Alexis and rest himself up for whatever came next, so he walked in the direction his friends were walking._**

**_Two hours later…_**

**_Esposito and Ryan had to go back to the precinct to see if any evidence was recovered at the cemetery from the shooting to identify the shooter, so Lanie went to meet up with Castle at the hospital to see Kate. Knowing the novelist, he would already be there waiting to see his partner so she hurried up to see the events unfold as feelings were sure to be revealed. She got to the hall that Kate was located in when she saw two figures outside arguing, one was Castle, the other was the DMB boyfriend(doctor motorcycle boy) Josh. She couldn't make out what they were discussing so loudly but she intended find out. As she approached them, Josh had shoved Castle into the wall._**

**_"Castle, Josh what the hell is wrong, is Kate ok?" Lanie asked. The young doctor faced both of Kate's colleague's anger blazing in his eyes._**

**_"She's fine Lanie but she doesn't want any visitors now or in the future, the writer here it's best if you leave, now." The word "now" was emphasized and he wasn't budging to let them past. "What are you talking about Josh, were Kate's friends she wouldn't sideline us like that." She moved to get past him but Josh was not having it._**

**_"What part of leave do you not understand Dr. Parrish, it means getting off the premises immediately, take Mr. Castle here with you. Kate doesn't want you around anymore got it?" Castle lunged at the Doctor but Lanie held him back, barely._**

**_"Liar, I don't believe you let us see her now Josh, I swear you'll regret it if you don't!" Castle gritted through his teeth. Lanie has never seen him like this before, however having this discussion in the hall was not good for them._**

**_"Josh, let us in, I mean it we care about her too and want to see if she's ok." she said steadily. The quiet rage in Josh's eyes flared at that moment. "You cared about her huh, really? Cared enough to let her keep getting in these situations where she could've gotten killed? Where she would lose herself in her mother's case? Wow you must've cared a lot about her then! When she woke up she was upset and still delirious but she made one thing clear; she didn't want to be around the ones responsible for her condition ok? Especially you Castle, you aren't safe for her to be around, she doesn't care about you ok and she wants you out of her life so leave and give her the peace that she wants and deserves!" Josh finished his speech and waited for the pair to depart. _**

**_Lanie glanced over at Castle, his jaw clenched and fist tightened "…I…I don't believe you" he stood his ground, his courage unwavering. "Believe this Castle, she told me before she went under that it was a bad idea for you to shadow her, that it brought her nothing but pain and trouble since day one..." _**

**_"That's a whole lot of bullshit Josh!" Lanie attacked back at Josh "Kate was happy with Castle as partner and a friend, she…" "Lanie, she doesn't want you here either, you did nothing to stop her from digging into Johanna's case again. She thought you were friends but friends don't let each other down like that…again I suggest you go now I didn't want to be blunt but these are Kate's wishes and don't come back if you really do care for her like you say you do." And with that the doctor had left back into Kate's room leaving the two waiting outside defeated._**

**_"Castle, we need to go in there, we need to…Castle?" she turned to look at him when she saw him walking away towards the exit, looking as if the heart was ripped out of his chest. She was going to go after him but he had already disappeared through the doors. She turned towards the door turning the handle and ready to talk some sense into the woman, but found the door locked, that took away her last ounce of faith she had…Kate had deserted them._**

**_AN: So good, bad, needs improvements? Reviews appreciated!_**


	4. Chapter 4

AN: a lot of confusion on the last chapter as to what was going on but this chapter should clear things up for everyone I really loved writing it. It's short and this will have strong language, but the next chapter is in the works and I'll get it up ASAP. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: same as usual.

Chapt 4

Lanie finished and looked up at Kate, trying to gage what she was feeling but all she got was a blank face from her. "Well, Kate now do you understand why we've detached ourselves from you. It was your own words, you didn't want our company anymore. The boys got the same speech from Josh the day they brought you home from the hospital, they were so wounded when they helped you home and then shut the door in their face…how could you do this to us Kate? Kate?"

Kate was still just sitting there but what Lanie finally noticed was that she had clinched fists to her side and her face was starting to give off a reddish glow. "Kate, what's going on?" Lanie insisted.

Kate couldn't believe it, it was all becoming clear now, but she couldn't have imagined this. She was more angered than ever and all of a sudden slammed her fist on the table. "That lying bastard! I'm going to kill him! How could…." she bellowed.

Lanie was getting more perplexed by the second, what was going on here and why Kate was all of a sudden acting like this was beyond her. "Kate calm down, you're making a spectacle and I think the owners would hate to find out that a cop is trying to destroy public property. Also for the thousandth time today, you better tell me what's going on?"

Kate forced herself to take deep, calming breaths before she started to explain this whole mess that she was still putting together herself. "Lanie I promise I'm going to explain to you what's going on, but first I just want to say I'm sorry for everything that you and the guys went through. If I'd have known sooner…I'm really sorry." she validated to her friend. "Lanie I never wanted you to leave, Josh wasn't there when I woke up, I first saw him when I started physical therapy 2 weeks after the incident. He was lying, both to you and to me it seems. How could I have been so blind? I knew that he was getting too overprotective of me, not wanting me to return to work, keeping me in at night…not allowing me to see you all the time I was recovering. ARRRRRRRGGH I should've put two and two together, why did he do this to me, keeping the ones I cherish most away from me?!" her fury was growing by the minute and was not going to be accountable for her actions much longer. Yet, the biggest thing Kate was feeling was hurt and betrayal, she for the third time in a day lost control and bawling like a 5 year old little girl letting loose her sorrows.

Lanie was still for a very long time analyzing her friend's reaction to all that she just learned. All this time she, the boys, Castle were led to believe that their best friend had discarded their relationships, that she no longer care and became the Beckett that she once was all those years ago. Instead, she was manipulated, just as she the guys were; when she got her hands on that self-centered doctor…_No girl, your friend is here now and she needs support, your support. Besides, you've missed having the only best girlfriend you have around to talk to. Face it, time to make amends apologize and get all the frustrations out in the open._ She got up out of her seat and moved towards the sullen woman next to her, folding her in her embrace, assuring that she was ok. "Kate it's alright, it's not your fault, so stop berating yourself ok? If anything its Josh that should be explaining why he's acting like an asshole. If you don't deal with the guy, I would be glad to erase all evidence of his murder when the boys and Castle get done with him."

Upon hearing his name Kate's head snapped right back up, _Oh no Castle, he said he loved me and Josh must've convinced him that I feel otherwise_ she thought _that's why he's been absent from the precinct and why he won't contact me. Oh my God, how could Josh have done this? _"Lanie please tell me where's Castle? I heard him Lanie! I heard his confession for me, Josh was wrong I do care for him, he's my partner, my friend…"_the only one I trust with my life and my heart._ Kate was really starting to lose herself in the pain and grief she was feeling "I have to know Lanie, what happened to him?" she was pleading the ME.

Lanie glanced at the floor, she couldn't forget the sight of Castle walking out of the hospital like a man whose heart was ripped from him as he was still breathing, and still carrying the anguish in the words the vain doctor revealed to them that day. "Sweetie, he's not the happy man that we're all used to anymore. After he left the hospital he went to a bar and drank all night. Ryan and Espo found him the next morning, sobered him up and brought him to me. I told him that if this was what you truly wanted, we had to respect that. He complied with this but ever since…he's been damaged, he hasn't written anything these past few months, and just eats, drinks, and sleeps most of the time. Most of the reason we rebuked you all that time Kate wasn't just because of the way you dumped us but because of the way your words affected Castle, especially after his confession to you."

Kate never felt so much pain in her life than in this moment, she never said anything to give Castle this heartache. Yet, because of her his fire for life seemed to whither and wane to nothing. How could she repair the damage that Josh has done to him, to them? "I have to see him Lanie, I have to tell him how I feel, that I heard him. I can't let him hurt anymore, I couldn't stand it if he believed that I don't give a damn about him, that I don't care about all the wonderful things he has done for me when really he didn't have to do anything. Lanie I have to set things right!" she revealed to her friend as she stood up and made her way to the door.

Lanie followed her and grabbed her shoulder "Kate, wait!" she turned the detective towards her. "I know you want to rush over there and explain this to him, but he isn't going to be happy to see you showing up at his door after everything that has happened."

Kate struggled "Lanie, I have to tell him and explain…" "I know" Lanie responded "and you will in time but I think you should question Josh on his motive for doing this to you, to all of us. We need all things cleared up in order to justify all this to Castle ok?"

Kate wanted to argue but Lanie was right, she needed answers and the hospital was where she was going to get them. "You're right Lanie, thank you for listening to me and letting me explain." Both woman hugged each other, they've got their friendship back. It was going to take time to get back to where they were before and it would take time for the wounds to heal. They broke apart from each other. "Alright Lanie, let's make a little visit to Dr. Davidson. He's got some explaining to do."

REVIEW PLEASE THANKS!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Love the reviews people keep them coming, however there are still some concern about the character direction I am taking. In the famous words portrayed in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy DON'T PANIC! I have a destination for the story and it will unfold in time so just trust me, this is a Caskett story I promise. Again same disclaimer as usual and on with the show!

Chapt 5

They made their way to the hospital, both women on a mission to get answers from a young and conceited doctor. The ME and the Detective entered the automatic doors to the ER and marched straight up to the help desk. "Can I help you?" a young woman asked them.

"Yes can you tell me where Dr. Joshua Davidson is?" Kate questioned. Before the woman could answer however she heard a very familiar voice coming from around the hallway. She wandered towards the voices and if Kate didn't think that things could get worse, the sight in front of her proved her wrong. Josh was leaning against a wall, his face very close to that of a blonde nurse who was all smiles and giggles as he moved his free arm up and down the woman's backside, laughing along flirtingly.

Kate snapped, she forgot about everything else around her and felt only rage flowing through her. She rushed towards the doctor leaving Lanie behind. As she neared, Josh turned his head in time only to see a blur of brunette before fist grabbed him and slammed him against the opposite side of the hall. The leggy nurse was startled and ran to get someone as she saw Kate starting to throw an arm at the surgeon "Kate, what the…" he never got to finish his sentence as Kate's fist connected with his face.

"YOU NO GOOD, DIRTY ROTTEN, CHEATING SCUMBAG!" Kate shrieked at him "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!" Her fury increased and when he tried to grab her she only responded by pushing him back on the wall grabbing a fistful of his shirt, almost lifting him off the ground. By this time Lanie had heard all the commotion going on in the hall and as she saw Kate roughing up Josh. She hurried over in that direction, pulling Kate off of the man. "Kate stop, what happened?" she asked. "This cheat was feeling up a nurse and while I'm furious about what I found out, the fact he was sneaking around behind my back…"

Kate tried to attack the doctor again, but Lanie intervened. "Kate, what the hell is wrong with you? Why did you just attack me like that, I don't underst…"

"Oh no you don't get to talk Mr., we have questions you are going to answer whether you like it or not and next time I just might let Kate wail on you, but for now let's just take this somewhere private please." Kate was about to dispute this decision but Lanie cut her off, "No Kate, we aren't going to get answers if we get throw out for disturbing the peace alright?" Kate nodded but her fury still burned within her and she was going to let loose on the doctor as soon as they were out of strangers eyes.

Lanie let go of Kate and made her way to Josh, pushing him into to a vacant room with Kate falling in behind her. Kate then strode up to the doctor shoving him into a chair. "Kate, I've had enough what's going on here and why the assault on me?" Josh finally said, still dazed by all that has happened in the last few moments.

"You lied to me, and not just to me Josh" Kate harshly answered, "How dare you tell lies to my friends? You've been lying to them for months and then turn around and deceive me about it! And not only that you lash out at me for not being attentive to you and here I find that you are philandering with your local staff here! However I could less about that right now what I came here to find out is why you lied to Lanie, the boy, and Castle after the shooting?"

"…I don't know what you're talking about Kate I never did anything of the sort, and if I did you should be thanking me not violently assailing me at my work! What were you thinking attacking a doctor?" Josh replied back

This earned him yet another blow to his face, Kate looked him straight in the eyes and started to unload her problems on the vindictive doc "I don't care who you are you had no right whatsoever to treat my friends like this, and after Castle saved my life you had the nerve to treat him like shit, he's my partner Josh, he…" Josh scoffed and pushed himself "Your partner Kate, Ha don't make me laugh! If anything he's the hopeless man waiting like a dog for any scraps that you would throw him. Come on Kate you only kept him around because he was entertainment for you, you never cared for him you chose me remember? You don't belong to him you belong to me and I wasn't going to let him try and take what was mine. Your friends would've steered you to him for I knew they didn't necessary view me as a friend, I couldn't let that happen, and you belong to me Kate!"

Lanie looked over at her friend when Josh finished his ridiculous speech and her friend was livid, if she didn't grab her right then, there might have been a murder right then and there. "I don't belong to anyone Josh, I'm not a piece of property for you to own, and by the looks of the I wasn't the only one on your mind anyway. Castle was right I should've just ended it with you when I knew I didn't love you, I don't know what I was thinking when I let you come in and take care of me after the shooting incident, especially all I could think of was Castle. You aren't worth my time you worthless, lowlife, doctor. We're through Josh, its time I went to the man who actually does care for my well-being and is worth my time unlike you"

She started to walk towards the door when she heard the surgeon whisper smugly "After the information I gave him I doubt he'll want you know Katie." Kate stopped in her tracks but before she could turn around and lay another blow on his "pretty little face", she saw the Lanie beat her to the punch. She hit the man square in the jaw and lashed out saying "You forget that you not only lied to Castle and Kate but you lied to me as well Josh, and no one lies to Lanie Parrish. Go run after your little blonde friend, and if you even think of messing with any of us again, I know two good detectives who are good at making accidents happen not to mention that I can leave no evidence otherwise." With that both ladies exited the room and left the spent doctor dumbfounded as to what just happened.

When they reached the parking lot, Lanie extended to her hand to the door handle of the car when she noticed Kate had stopped walking towards the car. "Kate are you ok? You're not feeling guilty over that piece of crap doctor are you?" an upturn of a smile touched Beckett's face "No Lanie, definitely not feeling guilty over anything that happened in there…but…he was right. I have stringed Castle all these years and was with Josh, though against my better judgment, when I was recovering. What if he's right? What if he doesn't forgive me? What if he never wants to see me again?" she sobbed

Lanie abandoned the door and marched up to her friend and made her look up from the ground she was staring at. "I know that Castle is hurting just by the fact that me and the boys have seen him throughout these months, but all the love he felt for you is so strong that there is no way that it just vanished. Yes, you screwed up and he's probably going to resist but Kate, hasn't this thing with you two gone far enough? Are you tired of all this turmoil you've been through these past months?" Beckett nodded "Then we are going to the loft and you are going to explain everything you just learned to the man and you are finally going to tear down these defenses of yours and fight for what you want!" Kate couldn't have agreed more.

**AN:…so confrontation of the writer and the muse is to come very soon hope you liked it and I welcome all reviews until the next time **

**AN2: I'm thinking of doing another story that came into my head about these two but it's totally AU and has a Cinderella like theme to it what do you guys think ?** **I haven't seen it done yet and I think it would be fun to try and see how it works**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews everyone and the feedback on me doing another story as well. I'm sorry for taking so long on this update, my grandfather just got bad news from the doctor that he might have cancer in his small intestine**

**and we are hoping that it is treatable at the stage that it is at. That being said my updates won't be as quick as normal but fear not i am still dedicated to this story. Here is the part leading to the soon to be confrontation of Caskett (don't worry won't let you wait for too long)Enjoy !**

Chapt 6

Lanie parked the car outside of Castle's building waiting for her friend to jump out and seize her moment, but Kate didn't budge. The normally unshakable detective for the first time in her life was terrified, terrified of the fate that awaited

her in that building. Kate's sudden flash of courage from moments ago was dissipating and the familiar urge to run away again was surfacing up again. However Lanie was having none of that "uh uh girl get your ass out of this car Kate and face up to the man already! You need to straighten this all out and put everything out

on the table. Hasn't everyone been through enough?"

"That's just it Lanie, I have caused him so much pain through these past few months without even knowing it! How in the hell am I going to be able to salvage what is left of our relationship? I know you said he still probably has feelings about me but how can that be possible

after all this shit that has happened? I don't think I can.."

Lanie interrupted the detective by grabbing her shoulders forcing her to look the ME in the eye."Look Kate, you have been my best friend for years now, but who is it you call when you had trouble sleeping? Whose books did you turn to when you mother's murder was too

much to bear? Who is the only person you let in on your mother's case Kate? Castle, he's always been there for you even if you didn't want him there and you know what now its time for you to do the same for him. I know for a fact that he will most likely not be ecstatic at you being at his door, but it is time for you to be the one to be there despite the his objections!" Kate closed her eyes taking in her friends wise words "Girl, you have both been hurt and I know that its not going to be like a fairytale where everything is wrapped up nicely and you all live happily ever after in the end. You're gonna have to fight, fight for what you want and not give up

when things get to difficult. I'll wait here for when you get done ok, and then we'll deal with whatever the outcome is then ok?" she gave her friend a small smile and then moved in for a hug.

"I can always count on you to give me a swift kick in the ass when I need it Lanie. Thanks." she started to open the door, exiting the car "Kate," Beckett turn back to face her friend. "Good Luck" and with that Kate started walking stroll over to the door of her partners building with a fear she has never known, a fear of actually losing the only person she cared the most about in her life. She shook her head, took a deep breath and headed to the elevator with only one destination: Castle's loft not knowing what would await her.

Castle was still sitting in front of his window in his office, this being the main pastime for the last few weeks. He didn't feel the need to write for every time he tried, her smile, her face, her eyes were all that he could see, torturing him through the words he was trying to form. He just begun to sit there thinking on how things got so screwed up in his life, Gina had called several times demanding he move his ass and start producing chapters for his new book. Screw Gina, he couldn't write when all of his words would produce images of the woman who had broken both his spirit and his heart.

He knew that this behavior was worrying both his mother and daughter so he tried to act as normal as possible around them, projecting the image of the juvenile dad that he always tried to be, yet when they weren't around all he felt like doing was wallowing in his grief. Castle was staring at the beautiful sight of the city before him when he heard a soft knock on the door, _Who could that be? _he thought._, Alexis and Mother are out for the day, they could have forgotten something but they both have keys…_ Besides Lanie and the boys, he saw no one outside of his loft in fact ever since that fateful day at the hospital he didn't venture out his home for the fear of running into the person that he could not bear seeing at this moment in time.

Castle casually got up from his chair and sauntered over to his front door. He grabbed the door handle gradually and turned it ready to see his daughter waiting at the door."Alexis you have a key you don't have to

...knock." Safe to say it wasn't his daughter waiting at the door for him but someone far more dangerous. Kate Beckett herself was standing in his doorway with what seemed like bloodshot eyes and tear marks on her face, almost like she had been crying. However, with all the torment he had to endure because of her it only fazed him for a moment "Beckett, what the hell do you want?" Kate looked at him with fierce determination in her eyes and replied "Rick...we need to talk."

**AN:...please don't kill me, I know its shorter than normal and they will talk soon and as lanie said its not going to be easy but what is easy for this couple until next time my friends!**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: due to some complaints both about where i stop the last chapter and how quickly i update chapters i decided to give you the actual confrontation between Caskett. Be warned this isn't a really fluffy piece (at least till the end of the chapter) for both characters have been under alot of pain and hurt. Therefore Castle may seem a little OOC, but only because on the show he may have been hurt and sad but i can't help but think that there was some pent up anger and i want to show that here. This will be a longer chapter and again i apologize for not being to update quickly and the next chapter may not be till about saturday for i'm going to the hospital to check on my grandfather. Thanks for all the reviews i love reading your feedback and i look forward to more in the future. Enjoy!**

Chapt 7

Castle made to shut the door but Beckett was quicker and she stopped him putting her own arm on the door. "There's no need to talk Beckett, I believe you made your demands quite clear at the hospital and I've done my part so why don't you just leave and save yourself the trouble. Oh and don't forget to shut the door on your way out!" the words he spoke were like bile but they had to be said, he couldn't face anymore suffering because of...whatever it was that they once had. He turned around trying to head back to his dwelling in his office chair when he saw a blur of brunette hair cut in front of him.

"NO!, Kate shouted. She wasn't going to let him run away from this, they were going to talk and she wasn't going to let him back down. "We are going to talk Rick, just like you never let me run, I'm not going to let you run either. I know what Josh said to you in the hospital and…"

"Josh said only what you told him to Beckett, and i don't think I can bare hearing those things again so please just spare me and leave me be alright! I've more than my fair share of pain and don't think I can survive anymore!" Castle fired at her. As much as he would love to take her in his arms and never let her go, she wasn't his and cause so much of his misery he didn't dare act on this. He tried yet again to turn away from her when she further prevented him from doing so.

"Rick listen to me, you have it all wrong ok! I never said those things to Josh, I never saw him until my release from the hospital! He said those things to keep you, the boys, Lanie, everyone I cared about away from me, i would never ever want you to stay away from me!" she implored to him. "Please believe me when I say this, you're the only person I trust most in my life and I couldn't live with myself if you walked away from my life, I've already endured a time in my life where all I had grown to love was taken from me and i don't want that to happen with you!"

Rick was taking in all that he had just heard and couldn't believe the words flowing from her. Was she telling the truth? He had no doubt that Josh would be downright protective of Beckett after the shooting, come on he was "the boyfriend" after all not him, but would he really do that to Kate's friends? He wasn't so sure what to believe, especially since this was not the first instance where Beckett had given him mixed signals and he was tired of playing their little game of cat and mouse.

"Beckett, why would Josh do that hmmm explain that to me? Besides this isn't the first time you've pushed me to the sidelines Kate, this seems to be a pattern for us and I particularly am growing exasperated doing this over and over!" Kate gave him a confused look "What are you talking about Castle? I told you I would never shut you out and i would...oh my god!" she now realized as to what events he was referring to.

"Just now realizing what I'm mentioning? Even if you didn't say those words to Josh its certainly clear that you find me a nuisance, you've even told me so yourself on multiple occasions!" he countered "

"Castle please let me expl.." Beckett started to say but Rick cut her off yet again, not willing to back down just yet. "NO!," he shouted "You went to Demming for advice on cases for a time and while I never let on, it hurt to watch you spitting out theories with another person, that's why I left you alone so I wouldn't get in your way."

"Don't you think I know that Castle!" now Kate was starting to get fired up, " I broke up with Tom to go with you to the Hamptons until Gina showed up and ruined everything! You're not the only one who was hurt during that summer, you hurt me too so don't blame everything on me!" she deflected back at him.

This was the first time Castle has ever heard of this and he should've at least felt bad enough for leaving her with the image of him leaving with Gina, but he didn't. _Why didn't she come to me with this after I got back ? _his heart was asking. _Because she found Josh and tried to move on with her life._ His mind contradicted. "Well I must've been easy to get over then seeing as you moved on the moment I was gone huh! You found Josh and yet again I was replaced, you didn't even want me to come back Kate what do you think that told me about where I stood. I wouldn't have stayed if not for me winning that bet... maybe I should've just saved myself the pain and lost" He was growing weary of this and just wanted her to go, to leave him to his torment and the last images of her so he turned sharply away from her heading towards his dim lit office.

Kate couldn't believe how this was going, was he right about her replacing him? Of course she did and she wouldn't deny the fact that she did. However, after each of those incidents she saw her mistake and mended those missteps that she made for she was slowly realizing she couldn't lose him, just like she couldn't lose him now. "You're right I did reject you, pushed you aside but you're missing the major point Rick!" Castle stopped his advance. " Yes we made a bet and by all means you should be gone but not because I wanted you to leave me alone. I THREW THE BET CASTLE THAT'S WHY YOU STAYED !" she finally admitted.

Now Castle was shocked, she threw the bet? Why, what did she have to gain from that? Even though he wanted to know why, he heart still stung with the grief he had endured throughout these few months. Her words may ring with truth but he didn't know if he could be healed. "It doesn't matter now if you threw the bet or not Kate. You're right we've caused each other enough pain that we should just do each other a favor and not interfere in each others lives anymore. It's not worth the pain so why even try?" He restarted his way towards his office "Good-bye Kate" with that he shut the door.

Kate stood at the foot of Castle's couch, he was giving up. She could feel the atmosphere of the loft turn cold, and she was wavering in her courage _Maybe he's right, maybe we should just part ways. It would be easy and prevent further heartache for us both._ As soon as she thought of that her heart reminded her of the deep pain she felt when he left that summer and how empty her life was. She remembered the guilt and anguish she felt when he didn't come around work these past few months. In these moments she found her answer of what she was to do: she couldn't live without Castle again, she needed him in her life.

She rushed over to his office door and started pounding on it finding that he locked the door "RICK GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE NOW, WE ARE NOT THROUGH WITH THIS YET! YOU WERE RIGHT THAT DAY I DID HIDE IN NO WHERE RELATIONSHIPS AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I DID?" she was pouring everything out now, she wasn't going to lose him "I WAS A COWARD, I WAS HIDING FROM WHAT I TRULY WANTED IN FEAR THAT IT WOULD CAUSE ME MORE PAIN, IN FEAR THAT I WOULD LOSE IT, IN FEAR THAT I WOULD LOSE YOU THE SAME WAY I LOST MY MOTHER!" She was glad that Castle lived on the top floor and they were having this discussion inside instead of having it out in the hall where others could intrude. Kate was stilled her pounding yet her voice remained strong but not as loud as before "Castle...Rick, I heard you, I heard you say you loved me and you know what?" Tears were now slowly streaming down her face "Rick...I love you too!" She willed him to open the door, begged the universe that if there was anything that she did right in life that it be this. Yet, the door did not open and in that moment Kate Beckett was shattered.

Castle stood on the other side of the door when she gave her confession and while he expected her to fly out the door when he didn't reply to her. He didn't hear the door instead he heard deep sobbing, sobbing that he had never heard before. Castle carefully opened the door and found Kate Beckett hunched over on her knees weeping on his floor. Rick has never seen her like this before and his heart finally caved seeing the once strong woman brought to her lowest point. "Oh Kate" She looked at him then and he knelt down and took her in his arms. Kate clung to him as if he would disappear at any moment. "We still need to talk" he said to her and she nodded against his chest. "Yes I know but right now… can you just hold me?" He wouldn't have thought of anything else that could satisfy him more.

**AN:...so what'dya think? they still have some issues to deal with but i want to know what you think? oh and the new cinderella story i have planned will be up soon. I'm not going to abandon this story and move on i will dilligently work on both as i can ok. Untill next time friends!**


	8. authors note

Hello readers, I'm sorry i haven't updated in a while. With my grandfather still recovering from the hospital, getting him back to normal has been my main concern, but fear not I will not my stories die. In fact i already have 3 chapters ready to publish by tomorrow around 6 as a late christmas present for everyone. Again im sorry for taking so long and my chapters will be long as an incentive for waiting so long for an update. Happy holidays to everyone and God Bless !

MRA72


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Hey everyone, i know its later than i previously said i would update and i must again say that I'm very sorry I am to not have updated in a long time. My grandfather has been the top priority and i have not had the time to write. However, i have outlined the next few chapters to my stories, i know that i stated previously that i would update both stories tonight but due to unseen circumstances I'm only allowed to do this one tonight but i will NOT let any of my stories die. And without further ado the long awaited chapter .

Chapter 8

They sat in the doorway of his office for what seemed like hours when in actuality it was only the span of a few minutes. Castle held Kate as close to his chest as possible, he never in his wildest dreams thought that the elusive Detective Beckett would be laying here contently (and of her own free own will he might add) in his arms. True they still had important issues to discuss but he wanted to relish in this moment where he held the most precious woman in his life in his embrace.

"Let's move out of this doorway and somewhere more comfortable and we can discuss some things together." Kate nodded but made no movements of getting up, she was to comfortable here in the warmth and safety in his arms. She dreamed of being this close to him for so long she felt that if she moved, she would wake up and find this all apart of a dream. Seeing that Kate was making no sign of moving he made up his mind and wrapped his arms around her and lifted her into the air walking towards the den and the couch.

He sat her down and started walking towards the kitchen to make coffee for the both of them (lord knows they both needed all the caffeine in the world to survive their impending discussion) when a hand grabbed his wrist with the fiercest grip "Don't leave me" Kate whispered in a very low voice he barely heard it. The desperation in her voice got to him, the Beckett he knew never would seek comfort like this. She was always so hard core, never showing anyone the way she was feeling in that particular moment int time, yet here she was and in the time that she has been her she has shown more of her heart than in their whole time together as partners.

He looked deep into her eyes, seeking some sort of sign as to what was causing this sudden burst of surge of emotion to come forth; he saw fear for sure and hurt and pain as well but as to what was causing these things he wasn't sure even though he had an idea as to what. Giving her a small smile he reassured her "I'm just getting us some coffee before we get into the deep issues we both need to talk about, we both need this Beckett I will be back in a minute I promise." Her eyes still showed fear that he wouldn't return but she missed him bringing her the daily dose of caffeinated goodness that was a sign of their connection towards each other so she reluctantly let him go.

As his good as his word, he returned with both of there usual preferences of coffee and as he handed her the mugs when he sat she snuggled more into his side, seeking his warmth. He reveled in the moment for as long as he could before he moved to begin what would definitely be a long conversation. "Kate...we need to start talking about what just happened."

"Can't we just stay here a little longer here?" she contemplated. He smiled at her sentiment, but knew if they didn't press onward they wouldn't ever get past this. "If we don't start talking we'll never get to the bottom of this and therefore never get past this." She knew he was right and even though she was content where she was she made her way to face him and braced herself for what was to come. "Alright Castle, let's get one thing clear right now. I never,ever wanted you to leave for the partnership...the relationship we have is so important to me. When you told me you loved to me you loved me that day...even though I shot near the heart, it seemed like it started beating even faster hearing the words I've been longing to hear for so long and I can't convey how sorry I am that I never saw through the facade he blinded me with...I'm such an idiot for not seeing it sooner and being so stupid by not seeing if you were ok and what happened to..."

Her eyes started to cloud up with tears again, she felt as if was all her fault all the pain she put him through all these months. He saw the raw emotion in her actions and drew herself closer to him. "Yes Kate, I'm not denying that I wasn't hurt by the words Josh said that day and believing them to come from your mouth. It pained my more than anything, but seeing you now I can see in your eyes the honesty that you didn't say anything of the sort. What Josh did is inexcusable, and don't think that I won't go and find him later to kick his sorry ass for what he did but don't think for a second that anything he did was your fault."

His words tugged at her heart and even though she knew she should believe him, she still couldn't fully forgive herself and not just for this matter. "But Castle, Rick you were right that night and the hurt I caused you started that night I threw you out of my apartment, no even before that with Demming. How can you say that none of this is my fault when it obviously is?" A sudden wave of guilt hit Kate and she rose from her place on the couch shying away from his embrace. Castle sat there shocked, he did feel crushed by both her attachment to Demming and the harsh spat they had with each other at her place but how could she place so much blame on herself when he knew both of them contributed to the problems they now had.

"Kate, you mustn't take all of the blame. We both did things that we regret but we have gotten past them and we need to focus on where to go from here right now." He said to her as he arose from his spot and starting advancing towards her to pull her from her sudden grief but yet again she rebuffed his touch. "NO! Castle I really don't want to lose you for despite everything, no matter how annoying you are or how much of a pain in the ass you are I love you, more than anything in my life...but its not enough for I'm broken, damaged. All my life I've guarded my heart not letting anyone in so that it wouldn't hurt it like it was when my mother was killed. I blocked out most people and the one who became my friends I kept at arms length so as not to cause me pain, but you...you somehow got past my defenses and wormed your way into to my heart and you are so kind and caring you won it but for me...its like...how can I truly love someone without hurting them or myself? I'm a freaking time bomb Rick and I don't know if you can make it through with me!"

And with that she fell to her knees once again and let the tears flow freely, letting all the anguish and doubt pour out of her wary soul for how could she love someone without getting hurt and causing them pain in return? Richard Castle looked down on the woman in front of him again on her knees baring her soul to him once more. She held this grieving in her heart for so long, that it was coming out in a flood. Thank goodness he was ready with paddle and lifeboat in hand for he had no desire to let her drown in the stream of doubts and fears alone any longer.

AN:...so review people really want to know your thoughts and will updated really soon I promise until next time my fellow readers :) oh and happy holidays everyone!


End file.
